Play: -Stock-

-Stock-
(Cheesy infomercial music plays)
Chaz: Hey Gary!
Gary: Hey Chaz!
Chaz: Why are you so upset?
Gary: Because my presidential candidate didn't win. I lost my house to the housing market, and my stocks are worth nothing now! What's there left to live for!?
Chaz: I'm glad you asked, Gary!
(Chaz points at a beautiful girl who rolls out a huge box)
Chaz: Let me introduce our new and improve Suicide Box!
Gary: Wow-Wee! It looks really complicated!
Chaz: It's really not. Here, help me and I will show you!
(Both men grab the beautiful girl and shove her in the box. Loud thumping is heard from inside.)
Chaz: As soon as the lid closes, the air tight system releases Chlorine gas into the chamber and helps the buyer fall into a deep sleep.
Gary: But won't there be an icky mess to clean up?
Chaz: No! The Suicide Box doubles as a coffin.
(By now the thumps from inside the box has stopped)
Gary: That's crazy!!
Chaz: Crazy good!
Gary: But Chaz, that black color is so boring.
Chaz: Got you covered there! The Suicide Box comes in 15 fun colors!
Gary: I want the purple one! Too bad my wife can't fit in there with me.
Chaz: Well Gary, if our viewers order in the next 15 minutes, we'll upgrade the order to the family fun pack! Which includes three extra Boxes!
Gary: That's enough for my wife, son, and the dog! You know, Chaz, this must cost a fortune!
Chaz: No way! All this can be yours for a low $999.99!
Gary: $999.99!?
Chaz: $999.99!
Gary: Wow-Wee! This is a something that every family should invest in!
Chaz: Well, our stocks have become the single force to save the market from depletion!
Gary: Good for you! You saved America!
Chaz: (to the audience) And you too can save America too! Call today. Our number is 555-666-7777! Remember, if you call in the next 15 minutes, you can get the family fun pack or Suicide Boxes all for $999.99! Call today!