Play: Shadow Distance

Shadow Distance
1walks behind 2, his shadow is overlapping 2’s. 2 stops and turns.
2: Excuse me, could you back off a little.
1: What?
2: You’re walking too close to me. It’s really rude.
1: What are talking about? Walking too close to you? How could I be wal –
2: Your shadow is touching my shadow, which shows that you’re obviously walking too close to me.
1: What? Are you serious?
2: Yes I am ser –
1: My shadow is too close to your shadow. My shadow is too close – that’s ridiculous.
2: No, it isn’t, everybody knows that.
1: “Everybody knows that.” I never hea –
2: Shadow Distance. Everybody knows to keep their shadows separate. If you’re shadow’s are touching when you’re walking behind somebody, you’re obviously invading that person’s private space.
1: What? Oh, come on, that doesn’t exist. I never heard of that. What if we were walking the other way? Huh? You wouldn’t see my shadow, you wouldn’t even see your shadow. Your shadow would be all over my shadow. You’d be following me too closely, even though I was behind you.
2: No, that’s obviously a completely different case. Everyone knows in that situation, that if you’re walking on the other person’s shadow, that you’re way too close and you need to Back Off!
1: You – you wouldn’t even know I was back there. You’d have no knowledge of my existence behind you.
2: That’s a completely different case, now isn’t it? Maybe then you could cheat a couple of steps, but right now, your shadow is all over mine and I can’t concentrate.
1: Huh! Can’t concentrate? On walking? You can’t concentrate on walking?
2: Yeah, I can’t! Alright? I can’t! What’s the big deal!
1: What’s there to concentrate on? It’s Walking! You take one foot, you pick it up and move it forward, you take the other one, you pick it up and move it in front of the other foot. And you do this in a continuous pattern until you reach the destination you’re trying to get to.
2: What about when I’m going down stairs? Huh? What then smart guy?
1: What do you mean “what then”? You do the same thing, your feet just drop a bit each time. You want me to give you a seminar on walking?
2: No, no, listen: How am I supposed to go down the stairs without rushing and falling, when I have you, cascading down behind me?
1: Cascading? What? Am I a – a river now?
2: Look, smart guy, just back off, alright?
1: You know what, I’ll just stand right here. You move along, and once you’re out of sight, then I’ll start walking? Is that okay? Is that okay with you? Huh? Is that kosher?
2: Oh! Now you’re mocking my religion.
1: What? Oh, no, come on!
2: No. I see you’re just one big bag of badness.
1: What?
2: No, I’m going. I’m gone. I’m out of here. But if I see your shadow – if I see your shadow – again – I will not be as generous.
2 begins walking off.
1: Hmpf. Generous? You weren’t generous at all.
2 exits.
1: Christ! People!
1 begins walking, just as 3 comes on stage fast, gaining quickly on 1.
1 turns to him.
1: Hey, Buddy! Back off! Alright?
3 stops.
1: (Exiting) Geez!