Play: Corporate Memorandum

Corporate Memorandum

(A spotlight falls on MOUTH, dressed in slick and pristine buisiness attire. Behind him are projections of article clippings with the words “MURDER”, “HOMICIDE”, “SUICIDE”, and “DRUGS” featured in the headlines.)

MOUTH: As of 12:15 this Saturday afternoon of September the 29th, we have learned of the death of one of our valued employees. We, as a corporation based on family values, are deeply saddened by this incident and send our condolences to our employee’s family and loved ones. Though the nature of the incident was purely coincidental, our corporation wishes to comment upon statements made by various media sources. First, we cannot make any accurate assumptions upon the incident before results from the autopsy have been released. There is no conclusive, factual evidence that mind or physique altering drugs were in our employee’s system. As of 17 days ago, no such drugs were found in his or her body. This comes from a strictly regulated and corporate mandated drug screening. To dispute these claims is an offense to our Wellness Program, which is held up to the quality of any Wellness Program found in our business. Secondly, we urge the public to disregard the recent deaths of a handful of our previous employees. The choices these individuals made which culminated to their passing were made after termination from the corporation. Thirdly, we do not condone or encourage the use of substances or surgery for any established appearance. We, as a corporation based on acceptance, are not of the mindset that one is required to have a certain physique, but demand a bold and energetic demeanor from our employees. Talent and professionalism are always considered over appearance. Our decisions are not based on sexual appeal. We, as a corporation based on family values, do not condone the gratuitous display of sexual acts and do consider the use of which as an acceptable measure to ensure a job. Sex is not a factor. Finally, the choices made by our employee in the last few days of our worker’s life were his or her own and were not influenced by our corporation or the business. Our most valued employee, we will learn, is a monster. The blood is on their hands. It is obvious that the mind of a killer is bred at the home, by the family, and is not influenced by the workplace. We, as a corporation based upon the upmost moral obligations, are sterile. We are clean, and will remain that way. Rest assured that we will not acknowledge this lurking beast that hid within our valued corporation. This discrepancy has been washed from our system. Our corporation, based on strictly mandated screenings, will find no trace of this incident in our system. We would like to wish our former employee the best in future endeavors. Thank you for your time.